2014. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious

GUILTY PLEASURE.

For the sake of our Mapeh Product performance aka final wave, we need to go look for a white gown for our waltz. My classmates rented gowns earlier, months earlier, compared to me. I was pretty confident that the nearby gown shop would have plenty of white gowns to offer so I decided to reserve a gown the last week of February.

I was so frightened when I heard the owner said those four words: Sorry we ran out.  I dont know where to go, my other classmates said that there;s this wedding shop where they offer gown rentals at cheaper price and others told me to flee to a nearby town to go check their gowns. That was the original plan, but my mum decided that we should go back to House of L ( the wedding shop located at our town, known for their owzum wedding gowns and such) so we could inquire if there is any possibility that a vacant white gown would be availabe this coming March 13. The in-charge said there’s none but she said there’s another plain white gown left for me.

I fitted the gown. It was just simple, actually. It’s plain white, long torso, with a strapless top and no beads then the skirt was big roses. It was nice, the lady even complimented me because according to her I looked pretty. haha

Anyway, I was standing there in front of the mirror, convincing myself that the gown was not bad – and it won’t make a difference since I just need to wear it for a dance. I looked at mum and ask her an opinion. The door opened at the shop owner slash gown designer checked me up and asked things like : where are you going to used that? and etcetc. He offered us that he could design a gown for me, which fits for the actual occasion BUT it would surely cost more. My mum agreed! Then the next thing I knew, the designer got the measuring tape and measure my size.

But the bottom line is, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I know things been to difficult the past month, and I don’t want my parents to suffer for all the necessities I need. Like, the had enough. I’ve given them headache a million times. I was a sickling since grade school, I’ve been robbing money from them since my medicines cost a lot, ask them for tuition, clothes, food, and EVERYTHING. I don’t want to hear them talking about money – being a hard thing to have this days. It’s just a gown ok? And it cost a lot. The money could be use for emergency cases. And I can’t help thinking that I will always be a pain in their pockets. My classmates got the gowns, thrice or twice cheaper than mine. Then I have to hire a make-up artist for the event and that cost another money. Im too guilty – always asking for them. Well, I did not demanded it, they decided for it. But, being a graduating student is just difficult – graduation fee, projects, activities, requirements.

I told mum about it. I told her that the whole attire and make-up cost alot and she just smiled and told me that it’s for my own good. And I shouldn’t feel guilt because they chose it and I just need to be good in my studies as my payment for them.

GOOOOOOD. I can’t stop crying. Im definitely sobbing because the Pre-nat got me soooooo depressed. I got low scores. I disappointed my parents for being down at the Honor roll. I’ve been a consistent top 3 student but I fell down from 4th to 5th to 6th! But it’s okay they say – having passed the prestigious UP exam and MSU-SASE made them even prouder.

So what am I gonna do? The obvious. Pretend that my classmate don’t annoy me for always pinpointing how costly the gown is. I had enough people. Dont make me guiltier. :3 >____________<

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