2014. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious

GUILTY PLEASURE.

For the sake of our Mapeh Product performance aka final wave, we need to go look for a white gown for our waltz. My classmates rented gowns earlier, months earlier, compared to me. I was pretty confident that the nearby gown shop would have plenty of white gowns to offer so I decided to reserve a gown the last week of February.

I was so frightened when I heard the owner said those four words: Sorry we ran out.  I dont know where to go, my other classmates said that there;s this wedding shop where they offer gown rentals at cheaper price and others told me to flee to a nearby town to go check their gowns. That was the original plan, but my mum decided that we should go back to House of L ( the wedding shop located at our town, known for their owzum wedding gowns and such) so we could inquire if there is any possibility that a vacant white gown would be availabe this coming March 13. The in-charge said there’s none but she said there’s another plain white gown left for me.

I fitted the gown. It was just simple, actually. It’s plain white, long torso, with a strapless top and no beads then the skirt was big roses. It was nice, the lady even complimented me because according to her I looked pretty. haha

Anyway, I was standing there in front of the mirror, convincing myself that the gown was not bad – and it won’t make a difference since I just need to wear it for a dance. I looked at mum and ask her an opinion. The door opened at the shop owner slash gown designer checked me up and asked things like : where are you going to used that? and etcetc. He offered us that he could design a gown for me, which fits for the actual occasion BUT it would surely cost more. My mum agreed! Then the next thing I knew, the designer got the measuring tape and measure my size.

But the bottom line is, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I know things been to difficult the past month, and I don’t want my parents to suffer for all the necessities I need. Like, the had enough. I’ve given them headache a million times. I was a sickling since grade school, I’ve been robbing money from them since my medicines cost a lot, ask them for tuition, clothes, food, and EVERYTHING. I don’t want to hear them talking about money – being a hard thing to have this days. It’s just a gown ok? And it cost a lot. The money could be use for emergency cases. And I can’t help thinking that I will always be a pain in their pockets. My classmates got the gowns, thrice or twice cheaper than mine. Then I have to hire a make-up artist for the event and that cost another money. Im too guilty – always asking for them. Well, I did not demanded it, they decided for it. But, being a graduating student is just difficult – graduation fee, projects, activities, requirements.

I told mum about it. I told her that the whole attire and make-up cost alot and she just smiled and told me that it’s for my own good. And I shouldn’t feel guilt because they chose it and I just need to be good in my studies as my payment for them.

GOOOOOOD. I can’t stop crying. Im definitely sobbing because the Pre-nat got me soooooo depressed. I got low scores. I disappointed my parents for being down at the Honor roll. I’ve been a consistent top 3 student but I fell down from 4th to 5th to 6th! But it’s okay they say – having passed the prestigious UP exam and MSU-SASE made them even prouder.

So what am I gonna do? The obvious. Pretend that my classmate don’t annoy me for always pinpointing how costly the gown is. I had enough people. Dont make me guiltier. :3 >____________<

2014. · Diary · Family · Love

December to Remember 2014❤❤

The most unforgettable thing that happened to me last December was when we went to Cagayan de Oro City for a small vacation I must say? Well, the trip was unplanned. Im not suppose to be there because as we agreed, my mom should be the one to go and she’ll kjust bring home some new books for me. But the pla messed up when she called me after our Christmas party, telling me to cme home early for a trip. She told me that she’s too tired to travel and she’s givng me the chance to travel & go to CDO again so I grabbed the chance.

Travelling at night is so good. I can feel the damp coldness of air which touches my face, and it’s a less hassle because passengers are not that many and you could really use as manypassenger seat in the bus. But.. the problem about travelling is you can’t help to feel boredom and exhaustion.

So, anyway highway, the christmas vacation was worthwhile. I did faced my fear in drowning.

We went beach outing with my cousins on our 3rd day stay which we.rode the jet ski and banana boat. The banana boat was quite fun but it’s really scary esespecially when the waves are not in the mood and Poseidon was not much of a help. The jet ski, on the other hand, was sooooooo exciting and fun! The machine was just like a motorcycle except in only runs in the sea. So the waves are on mood and was like saying, “hey play with me”, so we eent riding the jet ski. The ride was really awesome, you look like those actors riding a superfast machine. We were going really far from the shore I can hardly picture my cousns waving at us. Then bavoom! The wave outmatched the jet ski, causing it to fall backward and made me drink saltwater together with my cousin. Good thing there’s this life jacket the incharge gave me earlier becaise withoit it, God knows Im probably dead by now. We fell at the arther point of the sea, I mean it’s too deep I can’t reach the bottom.

I was about to drop and just allow the waves carry me. Then the rescuers, what do you call them, came with another jet ski assisting me. Then he started the engine and drove really hard the waves outsmarted us again. I fell in the seabed again. I know, I drunk too much saltwater. And you know what’s the annoying thing? The rescuers took quite a time to bring me back ashore. Thank the Gods Im safe, I told myself. But at the end of the day , I was still happy because I got to experience that hilarious yet unforgettable moment.

Ps. A moment of silence to my cousin’s money for the rent of the banana boat wherein we decided not to use it and just leave the resort. Tss. No refunds, RIP MONEY. 😢😢

PPS. Got the last book of Heroes of Olympus during my stay in CDO. All thanks to my mighty cousin who gave it. 😘😘

2014. · DexielgetsSerious

Something Random <3

Truth is, we get to fall in love easily. We can admire a person though we didn’t really know him that well. We admire them, talks about them with friends and just well, we find ourselves smiling and daydreaming about that person.

We enjoy talking with them. We even spend our free time texting with them and I bet he’s the one you’re texting with before you sleep at night. I know that feeling, I experienced that before and history repeats itself.

I met him. I met him in an unexpected way. Facebook.

Then the whole thing started. We just found ourselves interested with each other. That we happen to love the same things and there are things that we are really alike. We talked. chatted about our likes- books, love in writing, personal experiences, and then boom! Hearts everywhere.

That’s the problem, as I said. WE GET TO FALL IN LOVE EASILY. Girls! Am I right? We often misinterpret the kindness of others. Just five consecutive days of testing, chatting and sharing and then you like him already. That you find him attractive. And you started stalking him. He did the same too.

He asked you advice when he needs them, and you, on the other hand, would comfort him and cheer him up. You had a contest on the following day? He would boost your confidence. He tells you that you could do it, that you can aced everyone and you would get to meet him in person. Oh my, oh my. You’re falling my friend.

You fell. I must say. He started not chatting you, well your fault. Because you f*cking assumed. You started assuming. That somehow he feels the same. Too bad, he only texts you when he’s bored, asks for an advice when no one’s gonna give him one. Sorry. Sorry because I know this post will hurt you but it’s for your own good.

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. But come to think of this, HE WONT FEEL THE SAME. WAKE UP. WAKE UP.

He sees you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. So just stop all these weird things. I feel sorry for yourself. I feel sorry because you get to be hurt over and over again. Remember you burned your tongue on a piece of pizza and I think it’s a strong metaphor that sometimes the things you love most in life will hurt you. This is your wake-up call. STOP.

Don’t misinterpret his actions. Dont overthink about him. It’s for the best. Promise, after you read this in the future.. you’re going to thank me because I  just made the best decision. Just dont mind your heart beating that fast. Dont. Not now.

Love,

yourself.

2014. · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · SchoolStuff

Paranormal Experience :0

Something scary slash terrible happened today that made every hair in my body stand. It’s almost November 1 and scary things started to frighten people and spirits… they’re just here watching us.

My friend and I went home late since I cleaned the classroom and she waited for me. We then went to the bus station but unfortunately there were no bus so we decided to take the tricycle. The vehicle was loaded with passengers- my friend and I occupied the front seat, a nurse and a student occupied the backseat,  the driver, the teacher, and 3 other passengers, one is a  girl maybe on the age of 11, on our side.

Before the driver started the engine, he asked the little girl where will he drop her. The girl then replied, “Sa Sudlon ko kol.” She said she will stop at some place named Sudlon, which is situated maybe 10-14 minutes drive from the terminal. It’s getting dark outside and it’s cold too since it rained earlier. The motorcycle was now in Blancia, it’s a barangay with few houses near the highway and is surrounded with many trees.

Passengers were minding their own business- I am scrolling at my cellphone while others are just quiet. And then we came to a stop. I paused on what Im doing. We stopped beside the highway, with tall trees in between and no sign of any houses and there were no streetlights as well. The driver then asked the little girl, “Diri raka day?”  He asked the girl if this is where she’s gonna drop and the little replied, “Dili man diari kol. Unahan paman amoa sa may mangga.” The girl told the driver that she’s not dropping there because their house is farther to the place where we stopped. She said her house is located near a mango tree and it’s suppose to be the next succeding barangay the motorcycle is about to pass. The driver was dumbstruck and the teacher who sat beside me said, “I really heard a small voice a while ago.” She said she heard a little girl’s voice saying the word,”Diri lang ko.” I never heard it so I was shocked and scared. The boy who’s sitting at the back of the driver remained silent for a while. He then asked the teacher if the voice was loud enough to be heard or not, the woman said that it’s not that loud. The boy then said to the group that he heard something, a very soft voice saying to the driver to stop the vehicle at that place.

We remained silent at that time. Well, I guess, someone accompanied us that time :3 Happy Halloween!

2014. · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Love

dreams?

I haven’t seen him for a long time up until now. I rarely see his name on my newsfeed. I didn’t get the chance to talk to him on phone or in personal for a year. BUT, I had a dream.. and it was all about him.

In my dreams, you were talking to me. I dont know what we’re talking about because the scene was kinda blurry. You smiled. I was quite smiling in there too. I haven’t seen that smile for a long time. Your dimples, on how perfect your smile is,every details on you, I missed that. Yes, I moved on for quite a long time but there’s a part of me that searched you when I was in your practice.

I slept early with my headphones on. John Legend’s All of Me serenades me while I was trying to sleep. And then that’s just that. I woke up in the middle of 5 in the morning with your name inside my head. Why did I suddenly remember you? </3

2014. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Friend'sBlog

The Response <3

Merrah,

I think it’s a bit ironic how you stated that you don’t want to be dramatic in your message but I ended up crying ( a bit ) in our living room last Friday night.

Anyways, WHY DID YOU READ MY MESSAGE IN YOUR CHEM NOTEBOOK? YOU SHOULD’VE READ IT THIS MARCH PA!! You know it entertains me watching you cry because of my message. HAHAHA, Im just kidding tho.

Sorry Mers for everything that I’ve done that caused you pain. Sorry for I sometimes point out your imperfections. I know they were meant to be a joke but let’s not deny the fact that you’re also hurt when we annoy you with the aesthetic and the duck thing. Im also sorry for the BLOG WAR! XD The worst misunderstanding we’d overcome so far.I know it was just a friendship test and kudos to us because we’re still friends and fortunately we overcome it. Sorry if you ever felt that you’re alone and Im sorry for not being there to disagree with that fact.Sorry for the misunderstandings and childish fights . There are still many things I need to point out here but gaaaaahd,DAGHAN KAAYO KO UG SALA NIMO MIRS.

Mirs, don’t you ever dare to change. Oh wait. change for the better but don’t change everything that made you as Merrah. Im gonna punch you in your face if you would be snobbish to me if we ever meet again. I hope you would earn more confidence to be proud of yourself and to socialize with others. Always put inyour mind that we are still young to focus on the negative things in life. YOLO. You only live once. So, heads up and try to gain friends with and enjoy life.

Remember when I told you to break the rules? HAHA. I honestly don’t know what Im talking about that time but now I’ve realized what I said. Break the rules. Step out of the border which you set within yourself. Study hard in college but don’t force yourself too much. Take a break and go somewhere. You may or may not fall in love BUT you should have an inspiration (family & friends are enough). Don’t assume and expect the unexpected.

I don’t know if after highschool we gonna see each other every month. I might not see you for a long time but please don’t forget me,ok? Im surely gonna miss the moments we shared. Im gonna miss the fangirling, the book reviews, the defending-your-fandom-thing, the opinions we exchange when we read the same book, the “love-thing” we felt between the fictional characters, and the secret code names only the two of us knew (Jadis). Im gonna miss the long talks we shared in the girl’s CR while im sitting the counter or just simply checking myself in the mirror.

Thank you for being a god audience to my highschool drama. Thanks for hearing me out -from my family problems down to school problems.Thanks for believing in me when no one does and thanks for hearing my PARNESS.

Have a good life Merrah and always remember that you have a pretty friend whose birthday is before yours.

Love,

Dexiel ❤ ❤

(Please dont reply,I might cry. Your post was enough to make me sob under my pillow three days ago.HAHA :X)