2015. · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · SchoolStuff

Choosing the right thing. #College

College results from big universities are out. But the real question is: where should I study?  I can see myself 4 years ago. I was in grade six, the last year in elementary and I need to decide where to study in high school. My friends and I got plans as we count off the days before our graduation. We planned that we should study at the same school and be bffs forever. But it didn’t happen anyway. Because I choose the other way. There were four of us: Me, Dianne, Windee, Jam.. Jam went to London and lived migrated there for good, Dianne and Windee went to the same school at our place while I studied at the public high school in the nearby town. It was pretty difficult at first because I don’t know a single person there. I’m not sociable and I dont look friendly so I bet people are afraid to approach me.

Here I am, back again. Standing in the middle of crossroads, uncertain which part to take. Should I choose the university where my friends choose? I know I would really be happy there. I passed the entrance exam and the school excelled in the course I wanted to take up. I don’t need to be sociable really because I already have friends with me. I dont need to adapt to the environment. OR should I take the road which leads me to UP? In this road, Im going to be walking alone. I’m going to be alone because Merrah choose the other path. I don’t blame her really, it’s her choice. I know this road would soon help me reach my goals and dreams in life. But am I brave enough to take the risk? To dace the challenges that’s ahead of me? To adapt to the urban life with no friends and new native language to learn to?

The answer is yes.

 I am willing to take the risk and face the challenge. I didn’t choose UP because it’s a known school and everyone dreams to study there. ( Well, I guess they’re part of my criteria in choosing) But I wanted to meet new people, discover myself a little bit more, and finally come out of the bubble. I wanted to be more independent and know more about my weaknesses and strengths. I know the decision is a bit hard but I know this is for my own good. I may have doubts in my abilities like shall I pass the university or what but hey I don’t want to just choose the other thing without even trying what it feels like to be in UP. I wanted to taste a part of it and when I say I could no longer handle the pressure of it, then I can quit. Lucky for me my parents didn’t pressure me on which university I should choose. God, thank you for giving me supportive parents. As what I quoted from ze mom earlier when she asked me where to study, and I answered Im gonna try UP she smiled and told me “Then we’ll support you and try with you as well.” Well, not try with me literally but you know the thought of being with me all along the way to college. it feels great,srsly.

Six years from now, hopefully by God’s grace, Im not gonna regret this decision just like I didn’t regret choosing MVTS other than that school in our place. It’s time for me to meet new people and discover myself and of course, making my dreams turn into reality. Orede quod habes, et habes. Believe that you can and you will. 🙂  

So, it’s 36 days before graduation day and I couldn’t help feeling a bit excited and sad. But well, parting ways with friends is a part of life and not forgetting them is the golden rule of true friendship. 🙂

So, here I come college. University of the Philippines in Visayas (Unibersidad ng Pilipinas sa Kabisayaan) here I come. May the stars align and may the odds be ever in my favor. Forever BSA. ❤

 A quote to ponder: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

2015. · DexielGetsDramatic

Betrayal & gossips 💔

With the absence of human beings who could hear my sentiments, I am back once again to blabber about things I felt recently. Let me talk about betrayal and true friendship. We were on an intensive training at Dao and we stayed there for 2 ights and three days. So, the first night was kinda fun because my friends and I were laughing to death. But there was this issus were my feet really got stinky and I know the shit sucks so I took a shower and left the shoes at the rack in the bathroom. The following night, I really didn’t have any idea that “my issue/the shit that smells” were my friends’ main topic and some of them transferred to the other room. I was really clueless that they would sleep in the other room while me, on the other hand, layed down at mu deck earlier than usual because Im so tired due to the intensive training. Rose entered the room, which makes both of us the only beings inside the quarter. I started  closing my eyes, trying to sleep, when Merrah entered the room. They ate something and I probably got up because Im thirsty. Then they told me that we should not sleep yet and talk about things until we decided to sleep. We talked things about our family & lovelife. And then, beforr midnight, the two were looking at me and pushing each other who got to say something first. Y They told me that I should not get mad upon hearing the thing they’re about to say and told me that O should face the consequence  that lies ahead upon knowing their news. They told me about my ever-loyal bestfriends which was about the stinky shoes at the bathroom which was the reason why they didn’t want to stay at the room anymore. Merrah then told me that my FRIENDS exaggerated the fact and made it nastier when you heard it. Rose then added that the room was not smelly and NOT THAT SMELLY as what the others thought. I was left in awe as I listened to them-tears about to fall and a lump on my throat started to form. Of course, I know the odor issue but what hurt my feelings was  the fact that they backstabbed me and never told the truth in my face. They even pretended that the room was inhabited by some ghosts which scared them and told me things.. things that I thought were really true but instead a cover for their lie. Rose and Merrah blabbered at the upper deck. They admitted that they wanted or shall I say, tempted, to join the other group. But when they were on the other room, they hesitated to join the group because: one, they know that Im about to sleep ALONE in the quarter and two, they were irritated about the gossips my friends, the people I really thought would tell me frankly, told to other roomates. The thought that the issue were not kept and was gossip to the other joirnalists hit my heart and probably broke it. I felt humiliated and betrayed by my friends, by Esesjeh. By the people whom I thought would stay by my side even how dirty I am. They were backstabbing me, telling jokes about how imperfect I am. Imperfect in a way, that for the first time in four years, my feet stinks. I hated them. A part of me hated them because they were not contented in the info and shared them. Now, others were laughing behind my back. They even told the ones who didn’t believe to come and check it for theirselves. And one thing’s sure, real friendship would show itself. Merrah and Rose were the only ones who cared for me. I dont know how they were able to face me this morning, with their wide smile and happy faces greeting me good morning and asking me how was my sleep. But I know, I just know, that behind those masks were faces of irritation and judgement for their friend. I couldn’t bear not to communicate with them but just like a broken mirror, part  of me was broken too. And they could never bring it back. on the brighter side, 2 months left and I can finally get rid of their look and everything. Im hurt, im broke and misunderstood and depressed and betrayed.

2015. · SchoolStuff

Pressure Cooker.

Lindsay-Lohan-Facepalm-Reaction-Gif-On-The-Parent-Trap

It’s the very first day of this year yet here I am multi-tasking. I have many things in mind; our SIP which is still undone and lacks for data, our upcoming division-level journalism contest and our exam. Well, the exam and the journalism dates had a conflict and the teachers told us to take the exam after the contest. But the problem is, we get to review the lessons alone. Self-studying they say.  wuuuut? So Im a bit pressured ehy.

2015. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious

Hello 2015!

2015

2014 has been a roller coaster of sadness and happiness. I lost 2 great and important person this year and I still missed them as to this very date. On the other hand, I was given quite a chance to meet new faces, experience new things and overcome obstacles. I learned a lot. I was hurt but still Im not what I am today if it’s not because of that. 😀

2014. New love, who turned out to be another epic fail again. New experiences; first plane rides, long phone calls with friends, new friends from far places, long trips, new opportunities, went to some historical landmarks, ice skating, jet skiing, family bondings, the SIP, whole class bonding after exam, the admirer thing after the exam, the SSG projects, the journalism stuff which took me to Subic <3. On the contrary, I went down to the 5th place from 3rd, always problematic about our SIP and my event in journalism, my failing grade in Math (almost a failing grade, I mean), the sudden loss of 2 loved ones, my family almost split up.. those were the challenges I quite faced last year.

This year, Im looking forward for new friendly faces and new books to read. Im also looking forward for college which really scares me a lot since it’s 3 months to go! 😀 May God bless me and my family and may he continue guiding me. I would also like to say thank you to my family and friends who’s always been there to guide me and get through every problems. Thanks for adding ze colors to my life. iloveyou too bits friends, I know we’ve been through a lot.

And to the people I’m about to meet this year, well, I can’t wait to finally see you. :* Happy New year everyone and may this year be better as we all wished. 🙂 May the odds be ever in our favor :))