2014. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious

GUILTY PLEASURE.

For the sake of our Mapeh Product performance aka final wave, we need to go look for a white gown for our waltz. My classmates rented gowns earlier, months earlier, compared to me. I was pretty confident that the nearby gown shop would have plenty of white gowns to offer so I decided to reserve a gown the last week of February.

I was so frightened when I heard the owner said those four words: Sorry we ran out.  I dont know where to go, my other classmates said that there;s this wedding shop where they offer gown rentals at cheaper price and others told me to flee to a nearby town to go check their gowns. That was the original plan, but my mum decided that we should go back to House of L ( the wedding shop located at our town, known for their owzum wedding gowns and such) so we could inquire if there is any possibility that a vacant white gown would be availabe this coming March 13. The in-charge said there’s none but she said there’s another plain white gown left for me.

I fitted the gown. It was just simple, actually. It’s plain white, long torso, with a strapless top and no beads then the skirt was big roses. It was nice, the lady even complimented me because according to her I looked pretty. haha

Anyway, I was standing there in front of the mirror, convincing myself that the gown was not bad – and it won’t make a difference since I just need to wear it for a dance. I looked at mum and ask her an opinion. The door opened at the shop owner slash gown designer checked me up and asked things like : where are you going to used that? and etcetc. He offered us that he could design a gown for me, which fits for the actual occasion BUT it would surely cost more. My mum agreed! Then the next thing I knew, the designer got the measuring tape and measure my size.

But the bottom line is, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I know things been to difficult the past month, and I don’t want my parents to suffer for all the necessities I need. Like, the had enough. I’ve given them headache a million times. I was a sickling since grade school, I’ve been robbing money from them since my medicines cost a lot, ask them for tuition, clothes, food, and EVERYTHING. I don’t want to hear them talking about money – being a hard thing to have this days. It’s just a gown ok? And it cost a lot. The money could be use for emergency cases. And I can’t help thinking that I will always be a pain in their pockets. My classmates got the gowns, thrice or twice cheaper than mine. Then I have to hire a make-up artist for the event and that cost another money. Im too guilty – always asking for them. Well, I did not demanded it, they decided for it. But, being a graduating student is just difficult – graduation fee, projects, activities, requirements.

I told mum about it. I told her that the whole attire and make-up cost alot and she just smiled and told me that it’s for my own good. And I shouldn’t feel guilt because they chose it and I just need to be good in my studies as my payment for them.

GOOOOOOD. I can’t stop crying. Im definitely sobbing because the Pre-nat got me soooooo depressed. I got low scores. I disappointed my parents for being down at the Honor roll. I’ve been a consistent top 3 student but I fell down from 4th to 5th to 6th! But it’s okay they say – having passed the prestigious UP exam and MSU-SASE made them even prouder.

So what am I gonna do? The obvious. Pretend that my classmate don’t annoy me for always pinpointing how costly the gown is. I had enough people. Dont make me guiltier. :3 >____________<

2015. · DexielGetsDramatic

Betrayal & gossips 💔

With the absence of human beings who could hear my sentiments, I am back once again to blabber about things I felt recently. Let me talk about betrayal and true friendship. We were on an intensive training at Dao and we stayed there for 2 ights and three days. So, the first night was kinda fun because my friends and I were laughing to death. But there was this issus were my feet really got stinky and I know the shit sucks so I took a shower and left the shoes at the rack in the bathroom. The following night, I really didn’t have any idea that “my issue/the shit that smells” were my friends’ main topic and some of them transferred to the other room. I was really clueless that they would sleep in the other room while me, on the other hand, layed down at mu deck earlier than usual because Im so tired due to the intensive training. Rose entered the room, which makes both of us the only beings inside the quarter. I started  closing my eyes, trying to sleep, when Merrah entered the room. They ate something and I probably got up because Im thirsty. Then they told me that we should not sleep yet and talk about things until we decided to sleep. We talked things about our family & lovelife. And then, beforr midnight, the two were looking at me and pushing each other who got to say something first. Y They told me that I should not get mad upon hearing the thing they’re about to say and told me that O should face the consequence  that lies ahead upon knowing their news. They told me about my ever-loyal bestfriends which was about the stinky shoes at the bathroom which was the reason why they didn’t want to stay at the room anymore. Merrah then told me that my FRIENDS exaggerated the fact and made it nastier when you heard it. Rose then added that the room was not smelly and NOT THAT SMELLY as what the others thought. I was left in awe as I listened to them-tears about to fall and a lump on my throat started to form. Of course, I know the odor issue but what hurt my feelings was  the fact that they backstabbed me and never told the truth in my face. They even pretended that the room was inhabited by some ghosts which scared them and told me things.. things that I thought were really true but instead a cover for their lie. Rose and Merrah blabbered at the upper deck. They admitted that they wanted or shall I say, tempted, to join the other group. But when they were on the other room, they hesitated to join the group because: one, they know that Im about to sleep ALONE in the quarter and two, they were irritated about the gossips my friends, the people I really thought would tell me frankly, told to other roomates. The thought that the issue were not kept and was gossip to the other joirnalists hit my heart and probably broke it. I felt humiliated and betrayed by my friends, by Esesjeh. By the people whom I thought would stay by my side even how dirty I am. They were backstabbing me, telling jokes about how imperfect I am. Imperfect in a way, that for the first time in four years, my feet stinks. I hated them. A part of me hated them because they were not contented in the info and shared them. Now, others were laughing behind my back. They even told the ones who didn’t believe to come and check it for theirselves. And one thing’s sure, real friendship would show itself. Merrah and Rose were the only ones who cared for me. I dont know how they were able to face me this morning, with their wide smile and happy faces greeting me good morning and asking me how was my sleep. But I know, I just know, that behind those masks were faces of irritation and judgement for their friend. I couldn’t bear not to communicate with them but just like a broken mirror, part  of me was broken too. And they could never bring it back. on the brighter side, 2 months left and I can finally get rid of their look and everything. Im hurt, im broke and misunderstood and depressed and betrayed.

DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · SchoolStuff

University of the Philippines College Admission Test (UPCAT)

shet

I can still remember that day when I decided to apply for the college entrance exam just for an experience and without thinking that I would be able to pass it. I just wanna try since the exam was free of charge. I didn’t even review because I know to myself that time that I won’t pass it.

The day of the exam was a blast. There were hundreds of UP-student aspirants who crowded the entire SMC. The test was quite difficult too. I can still remember the time when I was just having a mini-picnic while my seatmates diligently solved the math questions.

And then, here goes the results. Ruining my Monday evening since I spent nearly 2 hours searching for my name plus the slow internet is such a hassle. I PASSED UP! I PASSED UP & my life change. Just that very moment, I think all my plans for college changed. I planned on going to IIT but then opportunity only knocks once and suddenly 75% of me says to get the opportunity and study to Ilo-ilo. It isn’t a selfish thinking right? I wanna study to Ilo-ilo since the course I passed is also related to my dream course?

God knows what but I think I just made a decision but still Im waiting for the other college entrance tests. :))

i

2015. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious

Hello 2015!

2015

2014 has been a roller coaster of sadness and happiness. I lost 2 great and important person this year and I still missed them as to this very date. On the other hand, I was given quite a chance to meet new faces, experience new things and overcome obstacles. I learned a lot. I was hurt but still Im not what I am today if it’s not because of that. 😀

2014. New love, who turned out to be another epic fail again. New experiences; first plane rides, long phone calls with friends, new friends from far places, long trips, new opportunities, went to some historical landmarks, ice skating, jet skiing, family bondings, the SIP, whole class bonding after exam, the admirer thing after the exam, the SSG projects, the journalism stuff which took me to Subic <3. On the contrary, I went down to the 5th place from 3rd, always problematic about our SIP and my event in journalism, my failing grade in Math (almost a failing grade, I mean), the sudden loss of 2 loved ones, my family almost split up.. those were the challenges I quite faced last year.

This year, Im looking forward for new friendly faces and new books to read. Im also looking forward for college which really scares me a lot since it’s 3 months to go! 😀 May God bless me and my family and may he continue guiding me. I would also like to say thank you to my family and friends who’s always been there to guide me and get through every problems. Thanks for adding ze colors to my life. iloveyou too bits friends, I know we’ve been through a lot.

And to the people I’m about to meet this year, well, I can’t wait to finally see you. :* Happy New year everyone and may this year be better as we all wished. 🙂 May the odds be ever in our favor :))

DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Love · regrets

December to Remember 2013😂

Those late night text and calls. The invite. The fireworks. The secene at the church.

That’s the problem. It was eons ago yet you still remembered the date.  Can’t you see? He doesn’t even remembered or he doesn’t care. Those memories which gave you butterflies and made you stay awake in late nights. It was all nothing to him.

You are just being fool.

I know that 2013 was indeed very unforgettable to you. It was a break to your lovelife, I know. But, did you really satisfied yourself? Because after the fireworks and the nine mornings, you were back to normal. You’re always the friend but never been the girl.

That’s the problem because we can still remember the dates!

12.15.13 — you watched fireworks display with him.

12.16.13 — you went to church with him & his mom. And mind you, the longest skin go skin encounterwith him.

And the fairytale continued for eight long days. There’s the part where he wakes you up, offers you a chair.. but the ending? Well, we never expected this one. Because on the mast day, the prince ditched the princess. He didn’t go to church.

12.28.13– before this day came, you chatted and had some heart to heart talks whrein he got to share his problems and anything about his life. He opened this topic about a girl whomhe had a crush with but HE is too shy to approach and confess hs feelings to the girl. You, on the other hand, curious on who this lucky girl would be told him about telling the truth to the girl and telling him to take the risk. BUT sadly, the boy err, I mean this man never ever took THAT risk.

Ok let me go back tothe part where you decided to “confess before you move on” scheme. You r heartbeat was faster than usual and you were staring at your phone, quite hesitating what to write. Then slowly you tried to form words,telling this guy how you loved him secretly sonce 2nd year and those etcetera. You waited, sweat trickling from your forehead,.clearly anxious on what he’s gong to say.

The unexpected thing happened. He clearly admitted that the GIRL he was meaningto confess was you. But he cleay made no move and since you’re too ugly to be his girlfriend he never ever approach ed and talk about that again. You started moving on. I guessed you moved on but I guess people are people and part of them.remembers? ecause on the first place I wouldn:t blog this if I haven’t remembered Ace. I can still remember that today, January 1, exactly one year, he blocked me in Facebook. I was quite haopy becaus it was made easier for me to move on. Then he unblocked me. And hellyeah, I still dtarted moving on.

Cheers because I moved on!🍻🍻😘

DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · regrets · Years ago.

Because sometimes I feel like.. <//3

BwhiqorCIAATC3u

I may joke around or laugh aloud, I may smile and show my dimples to you but don’t get fooled because I am crying on the inside. I am fake. I am a great pretender. I show everyone that I’m happy and I’m ok even though Im not.

Yes, my family and friends helped ease the loneliness for a little while. I felt so happy whenever Im with them. My stomach hurts and my eyes would be a bit teary whenever I laugh too much with my loved one. Isn’t it an amazing feeling? But.. at the end of the day Im alone.

Alone in the bus, loss in looking the horizon or simply admiring the clouds. Im alone thinking of the things that happened in that day or just reminiscing what happened years ago. Im alone and I couldn’t help feeling sad. Sad because I regret things I did and could never turn back time. Im alone thinking what could have happened if I did that and not this. What if’s would then follow. What if I had a time machine? What if I met people before things got complicated? What if they stayed a little longer here on Earth? Will I become a spoiled granddaughter? What if? What if things are not suppose to be this way?

Then Im back again at the present time. The sun was nowhere to be seen and the driver turned the bus into a sudden stop. Im finally home and Im done with my daydreaming/reminiscing thing. 🙂

2014. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Friend'sBlog

The Response <3

Merrah,

I think it’s a bit ironic how you stated that you don’t want to be dramatic in your message but I ended up crying ( a bit ) in our living room last Friday night.

Anyways, WHY DID YOU READ MY MESSAGE IN YOUR CHEM NOTEBOOK? YOU SHOULD’VE READ IT THIS MARCH PA!! You know it entertains me watching you cry because of my message. HAHAHA, Im just kidding tho.

Sorry Mers for everything that I’ve done that caused you pain. Sorry for I sometimes point out your imperfections. I know they were meant to be a joke but let’s not deny the fact that you’re also hurt when we annoy you with the aesthetic and the duck thing. Im also sorry for the BLOG WAR! XD The worst misunderstanding we’d overcome so far.I know it was just a friendship test and kudos to us because we’re still friends and fortunately we overcome it. Sorry if you ever felt that you’re alone and Im sorry for not being there to disagree with that fact.Sorry for the misunderstandings and childish fights . There are still many things I need to point out here but gaaaaahd,DAGHAN KAAYO KO UG SALA NIMO MIRS.

Mirs, don’t you ever dare to change. Oh wait. change for the better but don’t change everything that made you as Merrah. Im gonna punch you in your face if you would be snobbish to me if we ever meet again. I hope you would earn more confidence to be proud of yourself and to socialize with others. Always put inyour mind that we are still young to focus on the negative things in life. YOLO. You only live once. So, heads up and try to gain friends with and enjoy life.

Remember when I told you to break the rules? HAHA. I honestly don’t know what Im talking about that time but now I’ve realized what I said. Break the rules. Step out of the border which you set within yourself. Study hard in college but don’t force yourself too much. Take a break and go somewhere. You may or may not fall in love BUT you should have an inspiration (family & friends are enough). Don’t assume and expect the unexpected.

I don’t know if after highschool we gonna see each other every month. I might not see you for a long time but please don’t forget me,ok? Im surely gonna miss the moments we shared. Im gonna miss the fangirling, the book reviews, the defending-your-fandom-thing, the opinions we exchange when we read the same book, the “love-thing” we felt between the fictional characters, and the secret code names only the two of us knew (Jadis). Im gonna miss the long talks we shared in the girl’s CR while im sitting the counter or just simply checking myself in the mirror.

Thank you for being a god audience to my highschool drama. Thanks for hearing me out -from my family problems down to school problems.Thanks for believing in me when no one does and thanks for hearing my PARNESS.

Have a good life Merrah and always remember that you have a pretty friend whose birthday is before yours.

Love,

Dexiel ❤ ❤

(Please dont reply,I might cry. Your post was enough to make me sob under my pillow three days ago.HAHA :X)