crush · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Love

Walking away from Friendzone

Admit it.

We’ve been Carson once in our life. We’ve been that girl-bestfriend who secretly loved Dio, her boy bestfriend.

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The moment you set your eyes on him, you know something magically happened. It was like your heart started beating irregularly again, and the butterflies, which you thought were long dead, were once again present in your belly.

You had a crush on him- long before the two of you started talking in person.

Sleepless nights were spend thinking on how you would talk together about the recent GoT episode or just plainly stalking his un-stalkable (no informate gathered) twitter account.😂

Now that the stars had finally aligned and the odds were in your favor, your crush is now your friend.

FRIEND. You started talking about the Game of Thrones episode, you talk “things” only the two of you can understand, you started chatting late at night, you started eating meals together.. and the list goes on. So basically, you guys were like “BFFs” except for the fact that 1. He’s not gay 2. He’s 100% straight.

So even if you’re in denial that all the things the two of you shared were just NOTHING to you.. let me tell you something: NEVER ASSUME.

Never assume that the feelings you had for him will be reciprocated. Never assume that because he treats you better among your other classmates you’re special. Never assume that even if he tells you that you are special he loves you. Never assume that if he tells you he likes you he means it…romantically. Never assume that the two of you could happen. Because srsly? In the end, you are just going to be a mess of yourself. #selfdestroy💣🔫

The moment you started thinking deeply, you realize things. You realize that the guy you saw first day of school was not the guy you envisioned him to be.

He was not the guy you thought was sociable. He was the opposite– the introvert, shy guy. But once you overcame that phase.. yes, he was the guy you could talk about anything anytime. He’s good at conversations, he’s gentle, he’s caring, he’s funny. But he also got a real deal of imperfections I wish not to expose.

The problem with secretly loving your bestfriend is that it’s either you will love him more or love him less. And you realized that as time goes by, the feelings you had for him was gone. Not because he’s imperfect but because you learn to accept things.

Acceptance– once you find it, you will be eternally grateful. Once you accept that investing feelings to someone who can’t return it to you won’t do anything good, you will be happy yourself. It was a breathe of fresh air after a long day’s work. Acceptance. The moment you accept that you are “just the girl-bestfriend  not the girlfriend” is the moment you finally set yourself free– free from the constraints of self-doubt and questioning your self-worth. Free from asking “what’s wrong with me?” just because he was not attracted you.

Sometimes, you have to let go. Holding on to something hopeless is so clichè. There’s a world out there and you should see so don’t make him your world. Don’t asa.

Besides, the advantage of being the bestfriend is that while relationships break, friendship remains. Maybe he chose to be that way because you are worth keeping than relationshits.

 

 

 

2014. · Diary · Family · Love

December to Remember 2014❤❤

The most unforgettable thing that happened to me last December was when we went to Cagayan de Oro City for a small vacation I must say? Well, the trip was unplanned. Im not suppose to be there because as we agreed, my mom should be the one to go and she’ll kjust bring home some new books for me. But the pla messed up when she called me after our Christmas party, telling me to cme home early for a trip. She told me that she’s too tired to travel and she’s givng me the chance to travel & go to CDO again so I grabbed the chance.

Travelling at night is so good. I can feel the damp coldness of air which touches my face, and it’s a less hassle because passengers are not that many and you could really use as manypassenger seat in the bus. But.. the problem about travelling is you can’t help to feel boredom and exhaustion.

So, anyway highway, the christmas vacation was worthwhile. I did faced my fear in drowning.

We went beach outing with my cousins on our 3rd day stay which we.rode the jet ski and banana boat. The banana boat was quite fun but it’s really scary esespecially when the waves are not in the mood and Poseidon was not much of a help. The jet ski, on the other hand, was sooooooo exciting and fun! The machine was just like a motorcycle except in only runs in the sea. So the waves are on mood and was like saying, “hey play with me”, so we eent riding the jet ski. The ride was really awesome, you look like those actors riding a superfast machine. We were going really far from the shore I can hardly picture my cousns waving at us. Then bavoom! The wave outmatched the jet ski, causing it to fall backward and made me drink saltwater together with my cousin. Good thing there’s this life jacket the incharge gave me earlier becaise withoit it, God knows Im probably dead by now. We fell at the arther point of the sea, I mean it’s too deep I can’t reach the bottom.

I was about to drop and just allow the waves carry me. Then the rescuers, what do you call them, came with another jet ski assisting me. Then he started the engine and drove really hard the waves outsmarted us again. I fell in the seabed again. I know, I drunk too much saltwater. And you know what’s the annoying thing? The rescuers took quite a time to bring me back ashore. Thank the Gods Im safe, I told myself. But at the end of the day , I was still happy because I got to experience that hilarious yet unforgettable moment.

Ps. A moment of silence to my cousin’s money for the rent of the banana boat wherein we decided not to use it and just leave the resort. Tss. No refunds, RIP MONEY. 😢😢

PPS. Got the last book of Heroes of Olympus during my stay in CDO. All thanks to my mighty cousin who gave it. 😘😘

DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Love · regrets

December to Remember 2013😂

Those late night text and calls. The invite. The fireworks. The secene at the church.

That’s the problem. It was eons ago yet you still remembered the date.  Can’t you see? He doesn’t even remembered or he doesn’t care. Those memories which gave you butterflies and made you stay awake in late nights. It was all nothing to him.

You are just being fool.

I know that 2013 was indeed very unforgettable to you. It was a break to your lovelife, I know. But, did you really satisfied yourself? Because after the fireworks and the nine mornings, you were back to normal. You’re always the friend but never been the girl.

That’s the problem because we can still remember the dates!

12.15.13 — you watched fireworks display with him.

12.16.13 — you went to church with him & his mom. And mind you, the longest skin go skin encounterwith him.

And the fairytale continued for eight long days. There’s the part where he wakes you up, offers you a chair.. but the ending? Well, we never expected this one. Because on the mast day, the prince ditched the princess. He didn’t go to church.

12.28.13– before this day came, you chatted and had some heart to heart talks whrein he got to share his problems and anything about his life. He opened this topic about a girl whomhe had a crush with but HE is too shy to approach and confess hs feelings to the girl. You, on the other hand, curious on who this lucky girl would be told him about telling the truth to the girl and telling him to take the risk. BUT sadly, the boy err, I mean this man never ever took THAT risk.

Ok let me go back tothe part where you decided to “confess before you move on” scheme. You r heartbeat was faster than usual and you were staring at your phone, quite hesitating what to write. Then slowly you tried to form words,telling this guy how you loved him secretly sonce 2nd year and those etcetera. You waited, sweat trickling from your forehead,.clearly anxious on what he’s gong to say.

The unexpected thing happened. He clearly admitted that the GIRL he was meaningto confess was you. But he cleay made no move and since you’re too ugly to be his girlfriend he never ever approach ed and talk about that again. You started moving on. I guessed you moved on but I guess people are people and part of them.remembers? ecause on the first place I wouldn:t blog this if I haven’t remembered Ace. I can still remember that today, January 1, exactly one year, he blocked me in Facebook. I was quite haopy becaus it was made easier for me to move on. Then he unblocked me. And hellyeah, I still dtarted moving on.

Cheers because I moved on!🍻🍻😘

2014. · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Love

dreams?

I haven’t seen him for a long time up until now. I rarely see his name on my newsfeed. I didn’t get the chance to talk to him on phone or in personal for a year. BUT, I had a dream.. and it was all about him.

In my dreams, you were talking to me. I dont know what we’re talking about because the scene was kinda blurry. You smiled. I was quite smiling in there too. I haven’t seen that smile for a long time. Your dimples, on how perfect your smile is,every details on you, I missed that. Yes, I moved on for quite a long time but there’s a part of me that searched you when I was in your practice.

I slept early with my headphones on. John Legend’s All of Me serenades me while I was trying to sleep. And then that’s just that. I woke up in the middle of 5 in the morning with your name inside my head. Why did I suddenly remember you? </3

2014. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · Family · Friend'sBlog · Love

16th Birthday (Sweet Sixteen♡♡)

               No words can ever describe how happy I am. I mean I wasn’t quite expecting to be this happy but I felt so special today.
               My friends visited me here in our house and their presence was a gift. I owe them a lot since I know it needs a lot of reasoning just to come here. I cant fully expressed my gratitude to those who efforted on making me a video and photo greetings. My friends especially Esesjeh made noise at exactly twelve midnight in Facebook. Some of my former classnates slash close friends also greeted me in advance and some at exactly twelve midnight.
             I cant stop thinking how lucky I am indeed! All these years, my former classmates still remembered my birthday including those who lived outside the country.
               Friends from other school gave me presents. They even bought me a cake! Womp womp. And an eiffel tower top.
It would take me forever to narrate what happened today but I wont surely forget everything happened today–the greetings,my love ones’ presence, the swimming pool escapade and many more.
               To conclude this, I would like to thank you Lord for everything. Without you, I won’t be here. Thank you for waking me up each day and for giving me auppprtive parents and friends. Thank you for helping me overcome life’s great challenges. I maybe lose my Grandma this year but I know that she’s out there hiding behind the heaven’s clouds.
I also thank you oh Lord for givibg me the opportunity in making up to the National Schools Press Conference. Thanks for giving me new friends and I hope that dozens of them are coming. Mehihi
At fifteen, I experienced great pain and a lot of misery and loneliness but still happiness and love dominated them.
Cheers for my sixteen years of existence and counting. ♡

2014. · DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Friend'sBlog · Love

Rose.

Rose,

Sorry for making you feel insecure because as what you’ve said..”IM PERFECT ALMOST ALL THE TIME.” HAHAHA. I haven’t done anything unusual that made me perfect so why are you thinking that thing? TBH, Im the one who’s insecure here because..

A. you’re so cute I wanna pinch your pinkish cheeks,

B. you’re so good in braiding and I,myself cant even handle braiding my own hair.

C. you’re so good in Math and you’re very fluent in English

D. you’re a multitasker but you always get high scores during tests

E. you have an awesome teeth.

F. you’re such a fangirl and you have many vids and I cant even imagine how you manage watching them

G. you can be a great historian (since you’re somewhat interested in World history), surgeon, book author,engineer and accountant

Rose? I just want to clarify things. You being a bitch childish 3rd year student almost all the time never annoyed me. I am really sorry for sometimes I never had time talking to you when we were heading our way home it’s just that 1. Im tired 2. Im afraid I might commit mistakes when we fangirl 3. and I think you are not interested in our topics XDD. I am really happy you’re in my life, I mean you’re such a blessing in disguise. I mean, we were really shy @ first. Remember the first time we rode the bus?  You were hesitant to ride it for some reasons yet I convincedyou and since that day, we always go home together. 🙂 ❤

Ps. You really suck @ gift-wrapping but I was really happy when you gave me that rolled newspaper in the bus and I dont even know what to say.

PPS. I wont talk to you about this at school but please lemme blog about this ’cause I really am so happy 🙂

PPPS. I love you even though you’re so childish. :* Thanks for the tee ❤

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2014. · DexielgetsSerious · Love · regrets · Years ago.

If I could just time travel.. Random topics INSERTED.

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If I could time travel, there are many scenes I wish I could change so that I won’t make things which I regret today, and  do things which I never did years back. I wanna change those unhappy moments to a happy one. I hope I never met the people who hurt  me.

I wanna re-travel those scenarios where I was just a little kid, carefree and happy with the people I love who are no longe here.

But one thing’s for sure.. if I could change the things I did.. I would never ever do that. NEVER. (You dont know what Im talking about because this blog is some sort of a monologue.)

I wanna delete those scenes where I used to texts nonsense topics, talk nonsense and thoooose embarrassing moment. I hate the way I used to send group messages telling people how miserable my life was, years back. I hate the way I used to interpret songs and the way I overact, the way I assume and I just hate the way I am. I hate meeting people who I know will just leave me alone someday. or some traitor.

know what? she’s acting likes she’s an angel here. like she’s sorry for what she did and yet she waaaaas backfighting me all these years? dang! and worst…I really thought this other man would defend me. Being still and not commenting on those situations would be alright. but yeaaaaah. t’was years back. he was still that immoral brat who never thinks first before answering someone’s questions. ugh! why do I fucking care? :3

-Off topic: Just done watching She’s the One starred by Bea Alonzo, Enrique Gil and Dingdong Dantes.   Enrique’s adorably hot and haaaandsome aaaand the story’s plot is so daaaang interesting. ❤ ❤

–Off topic2: This morning, I was told by my teacher to participate for the District Math Challenge and I kinda freaked out. Why? He just informed me that time and our lessons which are precalc are not the topic. It’s all about geometry and goddamn Geometry we only discussed that 2 years ago! 😦 But, I have no choice so I joined the contest. We were given 2 hours to solve those questions without any multiple choice. Tssssk. I only answered 22 I think and the score is *secret.* nwahahhaha. Im not qualified for the next level but I dont care. Im hating Math now. 😦

–OffTopic3: I got my copy of First Phone Call from Heaven yesterday and I do hope I’ll finish it this week. and wtf I never started designing Robert’s slumbook and I promised to return it this coming Monday. ugh!