DexielGetsDramatic · DexielgetsSerious · Diary · regrets · Years ago.

Because sometimes I feel like.. <//3


I may joke around or laugh aloud, I may smile and show my dimples to you but don’t get fooled because I am crying on the inside. I am fake. I am a great pretender. I show everyone that I’m happy and I’m ok even though Im not.

Yes, my family and friends helped ease the loneliness for a little while. I felt so happy whenever Im with them. My stomach hurts and my eyes would be a bit teary whenever I laugh too much with my loved one. Isn’t it an amazing feeling? But.. at the end of the day Im alone.

Alone in the bus, loss in looking the horizon or simply admiring the clouds. Im alone thinking of the things that happened in that day or just reminiscing what happened years ago. Im alone and I couldn’t help feeling sad. Sad because I regret things I did and could never turn back time. Im alone thinking what could have happened if I did that and not this. What if’s would then follow. What if I had a time machine? What if I met people before things got complicated? What if they stayed a little longer here on Earth? Will I become a spoiled granddaughter? What if? What if things are not suppose to be this way?

Then Im back again at the present time. The sun was nowhere to be seen and the driver turned the bus into a sudden stop. Im finally home and Im done with my daydreaming/reminiscing thing. 🙂

2014. · DexielgetsSerious · Love · regrets · Years ago.

If I could just time travel.. Random topics INSERTED.


If I could time travel, there are many scenes I wish I could change so that I won’t make things which I regret today, and  do things which I never did years back. I wanna change those unhappy moments to a happy one. I hope I never met the people who hurt  me.

I wanna re-travel those scenarios where I was just a little kid, carefree and happy with the people I love who are no longe here.

But one thing’s for sure.. if I could change the things I did.. I would never ever do that. NEVER. (You dont know what Im talking about because this blog is some sort of a monologue.)

I wanna delete those scenes where I used to texts nonsense topics, talk nonsense and thoooose embarrassing moment. I hate the way I used to send group messages telling people how miserable my life was, years back. I hate the way I used to interpret songs and the way I overact, the way I assume and I just hate the way I am. I hate meeting people who I know will just leave me alone someday. or some traitor.

know what? she’s acting likes she’s an angel here. like she’s sorry for what she did and yet she waaaaas backfighting me all these years? dang! and worst…I really thought this other man would defend me. Being still and not commenting on those situations would be alright. but yeaaaaah. t’was years back. he was still that immoral brat who never thinks first before answering someone’s questions. ugh! why do I fucking care? :3

-Off topic: Just done watching She’s the One starred by Bea Alonzo, Enrique Gil and Dingdong Dantes.   Enrique’s adorably hot and haaaandsome aaaand the story’s plot is so daaaang interesting. ❤ ❤

–Off topic2: This morning, I was told by my teacher to participate for the District Math Challenge and I kinda freaked out. Why? He just informed me that time and our lessons which are precalc are not the topic. It’s all about geometry and goddamn Geometry we only discussed that 2 years ago! 😦 But, I have no choice so I joined the contest. We were given 2 hours to solve those questions without any multiple choice. Tssssk. I only answered 22 I think and the score is *secret.* nwahahhaha. Im not qualified for the next level but I dont care. Im hating Math now. 😦

–OffTopic3: I got my copy of First Phone Call from Heaven yesterday and I do hope I’ll finish it this week. and wtf I never started designing Robert’s slumbook and I promised to return it this coming Monday. ugh!

Love · regrets · Years ago.

Reminiscing the moments <33


  Some say that we should let go of our past and prepare for our future but for me, we should not forget our past because they serve as our experiences and made us a better person.

       Its quite amazing how an ordinary song can made us remember flashbacks that happened to our past. Its either a happy memory or not.

       Well, being here in Earth for almost 15 years, I already experienced those twists and turns fate made for me. I would like to thank fate, because Im still here kicking and enjoying my life with my loved ones.

       I wrote this entry because I would like to express whats bothering on my mind right now. Know what are they? Pretty obvious ehy? Old memories.  They are ruling my medulla oblongata right now so I guess I should share some.

#Flashback 1

       This was a sad memory. I forgot the date but the scene was still fresh and it made me cry when I remember it. 

       I was a little child back then. I love my mother, my father and everything that surrounds me. Everything was perfect until that night came.

       My mother was yelling at my father,and vice-versa. I dont know why but I guess its about  MONEY. So,the decision was made that night and my mother decided to moved away from my father. She let me chose between her and my father. I cried. I love them both but I chose my mother.

       After that incident,we immediately pack our bags and stayed to our relatives.

       Being a child,I know you want a complete family and I know it sucks to feel that its  already y broken but thanks to God because my  Mother decided to went home a day after. I guess my father deserves a second chance. We all deserve it. Dont we?

#Flashback 2

       A happy moment. I got my puppy love way back when I was in kindergarten.

       I was a transferee that time. Actualy,I came from another school and then transferred to the seventh day adventist’s learning school. Reasons why I transferred? I DUNNO -.-

       So it was my first day in my new school. No friends. No friendly talks and the worst thing came.. I got bullied. =(

       My boy classmates, whom I never thought would really do that,got my bag then ran away. Since Im new to the place I dont know where to go so I just sat at the park and cried. I waited for my uncle. Then this boy came. A cute, fat boy who was holding my bag and gave me an apologetic look.  I dont know but I find him cute. J

A week passed,our classmates really teased us and in the end,I had a crush on him. It lasted for months until my mom decided to transfer me again to another school because,me being a Christian was kinda influenced by the traits of the SDAs. So I transferred and never had contact with them. I guess,thats the end of my tragic puppy lovestory.

       PS. I met my bestfriend that time also,Diannes her name. Weve been classmates for almost 7 years now until we reached highschool and everything changed. She met new friends,I met mine. She spends time with her boyfriend I spent my time doing nothing. XD Srsly,we still had those crazy talks but EVERYTHING CHANGED. She transferred to another school last school year and left me. Its ok since when shes around,I never feel IM important. NO BIG DEAL> NO HARD FEELINGS JUST LOVE <33

#Flashback 3

When I was in grade 4 I was so eager in studying and as a result,I got the top rank since grade one. Until a big threat came,a transferee came and we tied in the first rank. I hate it when someone says that I met my enemy so what I did was I studied harder. And I got the top rank again until Grade Six.

#Flashback 4

       I was an active band member. From playing lyre to minorette. We we were practicing that time when I saw this unfamiliar guy. He talked with me despite the fact that I dont know him. Then there was the teasing who ruled the room.

       After we practiced,I immediately went home together with my friends until they turned right and left me walking alone. Not until I noticed the guy I chit-chatted before. I  just spied him,then he turned right and I was left alone again.

       Days,months passed by yet the mystery guy never left my brain. Until Grade Five came and finally I know his name already. Dont mind me telling it. His name never fits the new world. Very old name,really.

       So yeeeaaaah. Our schoolmates still teased us each other they say we really are meant for each other, Actually that time,I knew something was wrong

My heart beats fasts when I hear his name,saw his face. Im under a spell. And its love.

       Months passed by,I just knew. It came. He likes me and I like him but were not in a relationship. I need to focus in my studies and my parents wont approve that. IM STILL YOUNG. 😐

       We always text each other and now we talk and we had those unexplainable feeling when we were together. But,ugh. I really hate this memory of fine because it minds me that REGRET is found in my dictionary. I dunno. *shrugs shoulders* I threw hurtful words at him. Told him to avoid me and not to love me again. Im just pissed that time. People are really right not to make decisions when we were not mentally fine.

       He avoided me. Grade Six came and hes now happy yet me? Under the pressure of moving on AKA still mending my brokenheart.

I knew it. He had a relationship with my classmate,whom Im jealous of because shes tall and beautiful. It sucks because they were sweet and I am bitter. FULL OF REGRET. –end of story—

PS. I really cant forget that guy. I dont know why. I just cant. When we saw each other,he just smiles and my heart melts. Awww :3 I STILL CANT MOVE ON. WTF.

#Flashback 5

       When I shared Flashback 4,I really felt fine. I mean,all the heartaches was gone. :3

       First year highschool. Embarrassing moment ever.

       We took a summative test in Mathematics and I admit it,its kinda difficult so I need a deeper concentration.

.Minutes passed by and everybody solved those asdfghjkl equations.

Im having a hard time solving something and the pressure was there since someones humming.

       At first, I ignored it. But after 12 minutes,my patience was gone so I yelled to the one whos humming. I yelled like this,Whoever is humming right now,youre definitely disturbing us now!

       Im expecting someone to react but I heard my classmates laugh. Because.. My teacher was the one whos humming. *FACEPALM!* I hated it. It took me weeks to gave my apology to our Math teacher.


–Im so done with the flashbacks, It made me regret something. (EHEM. See Flashback 3) yet Im kinda happy to have those memories. SWEAR. ^___________^  Ok. Im done. 😀

#DKMR xx