experiences

2017.

The previous year has been one hell of a ride. I learned a lot of lessons not just inside the four corners of the classroom.

I learned to value friendship more and to gave importance to my family (because no matter what happens they’re always here for me). I became someone I never expected to be me a year ago. Someone who’s more responsible and sensitive to the people around her. Someone who’s dauntless and strong and independent but still fragile. Someone who knew how to take risks not just in jumping high cliffs but also in love. 💖

This 2017, I hope the best are yet to come. I just hope that God would guide me to this journey.

To more life lessons and spontaneous trips. Cheers!🎉🍻🍻

DexielgetsSerious · Diary

E.

X,

I know what we had was over  but I still couldn’t fathom how your presence can still have an effect in my life.

We became friends again for a year now and I thought everything would be so easy for I know in myself that I totally got over you. I moved on ftom my first elementary puppy love and I think it would be so childish not to be friendly towards you especially now that we’re “grown-ups”. So I mustered all my courage,supressed a smile and welcomed you in my life (again).

I admit it 2016 would have been plain and boring to some of its days without you. You became somewhat part of my routine– after dinner we would then have our chat; we even came to the point wherein we called 24/7. We would even attend the mass together. I treated you as my friend, I know that, nothing more and nothing less.

But there were those days when you just became extra-everything- sweet,caring,loving. And I must admit, I almost fell again.

But this time,I realized my worth:
*That you were just being flirty with me because Im around but when your first love came back, she’s what you’re after.
*That all those calls where just there to entertain you when you’re alone and bored while I have to stop reading my favorite book because you’re there nagging.
*That all those sweet messages were nothing to you
*That all of them were just normal stuff, an act of friendship.

Srsly the blame’s not on you but I also realized that the kind of people like you are not good to me. One moment you’re here, the next time you’re already there and broke my heart. And to avoid that,I realized that maybe I should get rid of you.

It’s time for me to start 2017 and let go of those negativity in life. Yes you brightened my life but you brought too much storm with you which I know I cant handle. So I left.

Sorry.

D

Poetry · scribbles

L O V E ❤💕

Since I was young I dreamt of you
Daydreams of princes and love that’s true
Hopeless may it seem
It has always been a dream.

He’s charming and sweet
When with him my heart skips a beat
I was sixteen when I gave it a try
And all I got were puffy eyes.

Foolish heart you fell to the trap
And no one’s there to pull you back.
Now your heart’s been ripped open
Pieces shattered and broken.

Pick it up
Don’t give up
Someone’s coming
Just wait for the perfect timing.

(Im always a sucker for true loves and happy endings so I guess this poem goes to me. That despite hurting a lot of times, we should never give up and take risks to love and trust someone again- because when we finally find that someone? He will really be worth the pain.)

Poetry · scribbles · serious

Maybe not.

Stuck in the thing called “You and I”
Please tell me if you’re here to stay or just passed by
My heart died when you said goodbye
But the world lit up when you returned and said hi.

Please tell me I should wait
Or should I just forget everything since we were eight
They say love is sweeter the second time around,
You make me feel special and my heart goes pound and pound.

But,
Maybe we’re not meant to be
Maybe you’re not just for me
Maybe because you’re not free
But maybe because the world conspires that you don’t love me.

And Im just stuck here, nearly falling
And I know you’re not catching
So  it’s too late to back out
I’ll just enjoy the fall and cry my hearts out.

Loving you for how many years
It couldn’t be measured by my tears
But one thing’s sure
All I ever feel was pure.

And tonight as I pour these words
Posted so all can see in the world
I promised to let you go.
Be happy. Go.

Be happy because someday I’ll be too.
Someday when stars aligned and I’ll meet someone like you.

3AM thoughts · DexielgetsSerious · Diary

3AM thoughts

When everything seems quite and  my roommates are asleep at night..
When highlighters are my buddy and coffee keeps me awake to study,
.
.
That’s when reality kicks in and hits me hard like in the chin.

I’M ALONE.

I’m always known to be the jolly, outgoing person but sometimes I just feel all alone despite:
*family who never fails to check up on me everyday because they couldn’t afford to know that their daughter is starving or is sick
*friends who were always there for me and supports me implicitly to everything I want
*org mates who always made serving the people fun and fulfilling.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I guess this is my 3AM realization, that Im alone not because life’s shit but maybe
because even if people makes me happy, there’s still a part of me that embraces melancholy.

A bitter spectre that only haunts you before you sleep at night- trying to tell you if the decisions you made were worth it and what’s even worse? It asks you if life is really worth living.

Rants · serious

You can bury the tyrant, but not the past.

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November 8,2016. Third year after #YolandaPH devastated the Philippines and killed many innocent people. Infrastructures were destroyed, the place was a wreck, and I even cant forget that picture wherein a father and a son covered in mud, embracing until their last breath. It was sad, unfortunate event.

Three years after the incident, as we commemorate the lives lost, another news saddened me.

SUPREME COURT APPROVES MARCOS’ BURIAL TO LNMB (Libingan ng mga Bayani)

*Allow me to rant on this one please.*

Ok, here we go, according to Marcos loyalists, the dictator is allowed to be buriefd there because

1. No law that prohibits the burial of Marcos’ remains at the LNMB. ( No law but what about the fact that THIS person threatened the freedom of my country, killed/tortured thousand of lives. Isn’t that enough?)

2.Marcos’ remains, under regulations of the AFP, can be interred at LNMB because he was a former president, commander-in-chief, soldier, medal of valor awardee, and legislator.
(BUT a human rights violator & dictator too.😧😤)

3. Marcos cannot be disqualified from burial at LNMB because he was not convicted of crimes involving moral turpitude.
(apparently the SC forgot the very reason of the origin of 1987 constitution, the existence of RA 10368 or the law for the reparation of HR victims during martial law, Aristoza,2016)

Im a millenial, and some may raise an argument telling me that I dont have any rights to say something abt the issue, but shame on you I have all the rights to speak about it because I have my freedom of speech (that Im greatly indebted from all those who died fighting for it). I have the right to express disappointment and rage to those 9 people who allowed a tyrant to become a hero of a nation he once destroyed. The decision is final,yes, I respect them but I would never accept the fact that they let it slip through their hands and allowed the history to change.

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A friend asked me, “why are you so enraged that he will be buried there? We wont get something from it.”

Bullshit. We won’t get something from it but the fact that we still cry for JUSTICE because of the horrors of Martial Law yet we allowed him there? He can be buried anywhere but not inside LNMB, anyone’s backyard. The dude deserve to rot after all, what he dont deserve is to be buried in a place where everyone died fighting for the country. Good thing for him he has a body to bury, but what about those who were salvaged, bodies never been recovered, what about them? 😣

We can’t just move on and forget abt this whole thing. It’s our past and it would really affect our future.

I can’t even fathom telling my future kids how someone like Lord Voldemort is buried next to Lily and James Potter.

2016 had been rlly rlly bad in terms of politics: 1. Our president is a joke, inconsistent, and inaccurate maniac who goes oggling his eyes to our VP’s legs instead of appreciating her as she did her duties. A political butterfly who thinks it would be good to side with China and decides to break ties with US. Bad decision. Rlly.

2. Let’s talk about EJK wherein it’s a norm for policemen to kill “drug dealers/users” without enough proofs of evidence. Unfair,unjust. Rlly.

3. A boxer turned out politician cries for death penalty yet ceases to favor the LGBT community because God said there’s only man and woman in the bible. 😡 And now he’s telling us to just move on with the whoe burial issue.

4. Mocha Uson, a sexy dancer of Sexbomb girls, self-proclaimed blogger and avid fanatic of Duterte is now a columnist! Wow shame. Now her biased articles does not only articulate through social media but through newspapers too. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Plus, Trump is now the new president of USA so I’ll just be here waiting which of the two countries fall first. 😢😡😡